Rouge Toons
by Bobby South
Summary: In this action-comedy spoofing James Bond, Iron Man, Game of Thrones and Frozen (2013) among others, Hamton, Rita and Runt have to team up with a beautiful yet mysterious pig in order to save their co-stars and the world from a secret evil magic force...
1. Toonraker

"It's about time I was given a chance to give an introduction!" Daffy Duck yelled throughout the sound stage. "Soon, the audience will realise that rabbit is not the only one who can give great introductions, you know! They'll see that some fresh new talent can – "

"Mr. Duck?" whispered the cameraman.

"WHAT!" Daffy yelled.

"We're rolling."

Daffy's angry face fell as he faced the camera. Then he smiled sheepishly as he sat in the chair. "Greeting, friends," he said. "And welcome to _Rouge Toons_, the story all about how I'm gonna retire from Warner Bros. studios." Then he realised what he said as he looked at the words he was reading on the screen. "What? Who wrote those words? I demand to know!"

Then he and his chair flipped.

"Eh, what's up, doc?" asked Bugs Bunny, as he climbed out of the hole from the floor.

"Did you write this, rabbit?" Daffy demanded, pointing to the screen.

"What's wrong with it?" asked Bugs.

"You're despicable."

"Well, the next paragraph dis batter," said Bugs.

"Okay." Daffy faced the camera and smiled again. "As I was sayin', this is a story full of comedy, action, thrills and me flying south for the winter. What? South? Winter? It's the middle of July!" Then the angry duck turned to a snickering Bugs. "You're not tryin' to get me fired, are ya?"

"Keep on readin'," said Bugs. "It gets batter."

"Okay," said Daffy. Then he faced the camera. "In this story, it's going to involve me in it." He smiled happily. "Hey, now this is more like it. For my part, I am going to volunteer myself to be a roasted duck for a big family dinner. WHAT!"

Then he turned angrily to Bugs.

"Ain't I a stinker!" the wise-cracking rabbit chuckled.

"You certainly are!" snapped Daffy, as he slowly and coldly walked to Bugs. "And here comes the soap to clean you up!"

"You do realise that this means war!" warned Bugs.

But the duck dived for him and the boys started to fight.

As the boys fought and fought in the background, Lola Bunny, wearing a red dress, got in front of the camera.

"Hi, everyone," she greeted. "I'm Lola Bunny and, as our boys are busy fighting, I'm here to take over the job of narrating _Rogue Toons_. They story began in space…"

* * *

Silence. That's all the whole universe seemed to have. Nothing but silence, white stars and exploding bubbles.

Wait! Exploding bubbles?

The universe did have exploding green bubbles! And they were heading for Earth!

The bubbles were coming from the bottle neck of a giant metal bottle-shaped space ship.

Step inside the ship and it would look boring. Despite the colourfulness and the large space to work in, all that anyone would see would be bottles everywhere. Bottle-shape knobs and bottle-shaped levers and bottle-shaped everything. Even the aliens maintaining the ship were all bottle-shaped.

They all had caps on the top of their heads, as well as two eyes, two arms, two legs and a mouth.  
"Captain Cap?" called a bottle alien, who was observing the radar on the bridge.

"What is it, private?" asked Captain Cap, as he walked to the radar.

"It's not private, sir," said the radar technician. "It's a space shuttle coming from Earth."

Cap saw that on the radar that the bottle technician was right: a space shuttle coming from Earth was approaching the Giant Bottle Ship.

Then the giant screen behind them turned on. The aliens turned around.

"Greetings, bottle aliens," said Buster Bunny. "This is Captain Buster Bunny of _Toonraker_. Who are you and what do you want?"

"I am Captain Cap," replied Cap. "My army and I have fled the Galactic Bottle Empire and intend to build our own empire with your planet as my throne."

Babs Bunny appeared next to Buster. "Earth is too full of people," she said. "Have you tried the free planets, like Uranus, Venus, Neptune, Saturn, Jupiter, Pluto, Mercury and – "

Buster pushed Babs away.

"And here is a little peace-offering present for you," said Cap, as he sat in his chair and pressed a button on the right arm.

* * *

"Get ready, guys!" ordered Buster.

"For the pressies?" cried Plucky Duck. "Yippee!"

"Lieutenant Plucky," said Buster. "These presents – "

"Are for us and they're coming!" cried Plucky.

"They're also exploding bubbles and they're aiming for us!" snapped Buster.

"Yeah, remember what Acme Loo taught us about accepting gifts from the enemies?" asked Babs. "That they're all a disguise to fool you."

Then Plucky's eyes opened wildly. "Oh, yeah," he said slowly.

KA-BOOM!

"What? What's happening?" asked Plucky.

"The ship's arms are popping the bubbles easily," reported Hamton J. Pig.

Outside, _Toonraker _had two mechanical arms on each side. Both of them reached out for each and every bubble and popped it.

"Well done, Sergeant Hamton," said Buster. "Keep up the good work."

* * *

Back on the bottle ship, Cap screamed in anger as he watched _Toonraker_'s successful attempt at popping the bubbles. Then he had an evil idea. He walked to the aft side of his ship where he pulled down a giant lever.

* * *

"Captain Buster," reported Plucky. "We have a problem."  
"What is it?" asked Buster. Then he saw a bigger swarm of giant golden bubbles aiming towards them. Hamton tried to pop as many bubbles as he could, but –

BOOM!

Outside, the burnt-up mechanical arms were floating away from _Toonraker_.

"Like, what do we do know?" asked Shirley the Loon.

All the toons began to think.

"I know!" cried Babs.

"What?" asked Buster. Then his best friend whispered something into his ear and he liked it. "It's so crazy, it might just work!"

"What will work?" asked Plucky.

"Thank you for volunteering, Plucky," said Buster.

"Volunteering for what?" asked the curious duck, as he followed the bunnies. They each went into a metal door.

"Okay, Calamity," Buster called through the door. "We're ready!"

Calamity Coyote pulled down a lever,

* * *

On the outside of _Toonraker_, three holes opened.

"And just how, may I ask, are we going to get to the bottle ship?" Plucky asked.

"We're space jumping," replied Buster.

"Like in J.J. Abrams' _Star Trek_ movies," added Babs

Soon, Buster, Babs and Plucky in their spacesuits and helmets shot out like a cannon.

"Wow!" Buster cried happily. "This is so cool!"

"Whee!"

Buster looked to see Babs spinning around him like she was an out-of-control kite.

"Show off," he muttered.

"Whoa!" cried Plucky. He was flying around, too, but he was in less control than Babs. "How do you steer this thing?"

"Don't lose control, Plucky," said Buster. "We need to get to the bottle ship as soon as possible." Then he looked up and gasped. "Babs, ten o'clock!"

Babs looked at her watch. "Why, what happens at ten o'clock?"

"You're going to get hit by an exploding bubble!"

Babs quickly turned around and saw the bubble coming towards her. Then the bubble got closer and – KA-BOOM!

"BABS!" cried Buster.

Then he saw Babs's body falling towards him. He caught her and looked at her unconscious.

"Babs?" Buster started to shake her.

"Stop it, Buster," muttered Babs. "You're giving me a headache."

Buster let go and was happy that Babs was alive and well. "Be careful next time with those bubbles next time," he told them.

"I _was_ careful," said Babs. "I pulled a trick."  
"Care to share that trick?" asked Plucky. "More bubbles are approaching me!"

"Look in your pockets," said Babs.

They all reached into their pockets and pulled out a handful of short straws.

"Throw one each at a time to pop them," went on Babs.

Plucky got out his straws and throw one at the nearest bubble to him. "It works!" he cried. "Glad I thought of it!"

The bunnies just shook their heads at Plucky's arrogance and kept on throwing straws at the bubbles. The more they threw, the closer they got to the bottle ship.

"Just how are we going to get in?" asked Babs.

They all looked around.

"There!" Buster cried, pointing to a hole on the top of the ship. "Head for that hole!"  
So they did. Buster went in first, followed by Babs and finally Plucky. They were finally in the ship.

As they took their helmets off, something else took over their heads – and their whole bodies. It was a giant bottle. They were all each bottled up in a bottle by evil-grinning bottle aliens.

"Let me out!" yelled Plucky. "Let me out!"

"Cut it out, Plucky," said Buster. "It won't do any good."

"I may be bottled up," said Plucky, "but my feelings don't have to be." Then he turned back to the aliens. "Get me out of here!"

* * *

Soon, the imprisoned Toons were escorted to the bridge where Cap and his crew were waiting for them.

"Release them," he ordered to the bottle guards.

The bottle guards unscrewed the bottle caps off and poured Buster, Babs and Plucky out.

"Welcome, Earthlings," said Cap. "You're just in time to witness the destruction of your planet."

The three toons were slammed to the window. They watched the giant golden bubbles heading towards Earth.

"Guys, I have a plan," whispered Buster. Then he started to whisper into his friends' ears before they were quickly pulled away.

"What are you guys whispering about?" demanded one of the guards.

Babs and Plucky looked at Buster.

"Well," said Buster. "Since we have no choice but to surrender, we would like to offer you a gift."  
"WHAT!" cried Babs and Plucky.

"To show that there are no hard feelings," said Buster.

"Let's see it," demanded Captain Cap.

"You'll have to take your caps off, though," went on Buster.

The bottle aliens looked at him suspiciously.

"Otherwise this gift won't be awesome."  
"Take them off," Cap said.

The aliens took their caps off.

"Now, guys!" shouted Buster.

The toons jumped over the bottle aliens and they each poured something in their bottle bodies. They felt nothing at all.

"Ha!" cried one of the bottle soldiers. "Is that the best you can do?"

"Enough tricks!" snapped Captain Cap. "Get them!"

The bottle soldiers charged for the toons, but then they stopped. The green liquids inside them started to bubble.

"I don't feel too good," moaned a bottle soldier.

Then the liquid was fizzling and shooting up like a volcano.

"What did you put into us?" demanded Captain Cap.

"This!" Buster held up an empty bottle with the label 'ACME BABY VOLCANO BUBBULES'.

"Get them!" ordered Cap.

They ran for them, but Babs got out a bowling ball and threw them at the bottled aliens. Soon the aliens were knocked down by bowling pins and they were standing upside down on their necks.

Babs cheered. "And the champ is… Babs Bunny!" She said her name in a different voice. "Well, thank you all."  
Buster and Plucky just shook their heads.

* * *

Five minutes later, _Toonraker_ was flying towards a giant recycling bin. The shuttle dropped the bottled aliens into the bin and flew off.

Inside, the toons were celebrating. "Good job, guys!" smiled Buster. "Mission accomplished!"

"And this movie is a wrap!" cried J.J. Abrams, as he walked in. "Good job, guys."

* * *

"And that was _Toonraker_, the brand new _Tiny Toon Adventures _film directed by J.J. Abrams," said Steven Spielberg on the stand.

The entire audience at the Dolby Theatre gave Abrams and the Tiny Toons a huge round of applause. The toons stood up, bowed and waved wildly, while the humble Abrams just stood up and waved modestly.

"But," said Spielberg, "that is not the only film nominated for the best Animated Short this year. Now, let's check out the new Quentin Tarantino short with the _Animaniacs_, _On the Dictator's Secret Service_."

The audience clapped. And the film played and everyone seemed to be impressed with it already.

"This is really cool," said Buster.

Everyone seemed to agree, except Plucky.

"We're never going to win the Oscar now," he moaned. Then his stomach groaned. He turned to his best friend Hamton. "Hammy, buddy, you wouldn't be a pal and get us something to eat, will you?"

"But, Plucky, I'm really enjoying this movie," protested Hamton.

"Think about yourself more than your starving friend, eh?" snapped Plucky. "What kind of a friend are you?"

Hamton, beginning to feel real guilty, sighed, got up and walked out of the room.

"Man, this is exciting!" cried Plucky happily, as he watched Tarantino's movie. "Why did we choose Abrams over Tarantino?"

"Shh!" snapped Buster and Babs.


	2. The Tough Girls

Hamton was carrying a tower of food. It was so high that he couldn't see where he was going.

BUMP!

He was on the floor with all the food laid around him. He started to get back on his hooves again.

"Popcorn?"  
"Ice cream?"

"Cheese burgers?"

"Candy floss?"

"Pizzas?"

"With anchovies!"

Hamton looked ahead to see a brown-furred wolf with pigtails, a silver-skinned komodo dragon with long black hair and rainbow glasses and a yellow feather peacock with tied-up yellow hair. They were all each wearing silver dresses.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," said Hamton. "I couldn't see where I was going."

The komodo dragon approached him. "You could have made two trips instead of one. And all of this food is not good for you – "

"Odd-Blob!" snapped the wolf. "There's no need to be a diva or to give another boring lecture."

"But, Snarls," protested Odd-Blob. "I – "

"Snarls?" cried Hamton. "Odd-Blob?" And he turned to the peacock. "Goldfeather? You're not by any chance – "

"The Tough Girls?" said Odd-Blob. "We are."

"Actually, my name is Blonde-feather and we're the Mean Girls," said the peacock.

"Shut up, Goldfeather!" snapped Snarls. "You're a superstar and yet this fan of yours is ten times smarter than you." Then she turned around to face Hamton. "What's your name?"

"Hamton J. Pig," replied Hamton.

"From _Tiny Toon Adventures_," added Odd-Blob. "Would you like to come backstage with us?"

Hamton thought about it. He had never been offered something like in his life and recently his friends hadn't been treating him very well. They've either been sending him away to get stuff, like Plucky did five minutes ago, or just not been talking to him. So this is the first time in a long while that he's been give attention – positive attention, that is.

"Oh, come on," said Goldfeather, putting her wing on his back.

"Gee, thanks," said Hamton. "It's an honour to meet a very successful rock band."

"You're too kind," said Odd-Blob. "But this band's only been around for three years. We're on after right Jo Bayboy."

"Jo Bayboy?" said Hamton. "The teen idol?"

* * *

"Now," said Spielberg, "after seeing the new _Pinky and the Brain_ short, _A View to a Chill_, directed by Christopher Nolan…"

Nolan, Pinky and the Brian stood up and waved to thunderous applause.

"…the board and I need to make its mind up on which animated short is the winner," finished Spielberg. "But while we're deciding, here is critically acclaimed and highly popular teen idol, Joanna Bayboy."

The audience applauded, as a beautifully tanned blonde eighteen-year-old in a black dress approached the stage.

"Thank you," she said modestly. "I'm so happy to be here. As you know, it's been three years since I performed or acted."

"Well, what stopped you?" asked Plucky.

"Plucky," said Buster. "They say, three years ago, a mean pig gave Jo's friend, Tina Heman, a drink that made her so ill and tried to give it to her, too."  
"So she went into hiding for three years," said Babs.

"But now she's being brave and coming out of it," said Buster. "You've got to admire her for that."

"What happened to that evil pig?" asked Plucky.

"She escaped and no one has heard from her since," replied Buster.

"Now, this is a brand new song that I've been writing in my three-year absence," said Jo.

The room went dark and the music began to play. "_People may never accept who you are and will force to change you_," Jo sang.

* * *

Backstage, Hamton followed the Tough Girls.

"We've got to get to go on," Snarls said to Hamton. "So if you just sit down and treat yourself to this delicious popcorn…"

Hamton sat down and Goldfeather gave him a bucket full of… logs?

"Goldfeather, what's this?" demanded Snarls.

"Treating him with Yule logs," said Goldfeather.

Odd-Blob pick up a 'Yule' log and tasted it.

CRUNCH!

"Ow!" she moaned, as she spat a tooth out. "It is a clearly not a Yule log."

"Goldfeather!" yelled Snarls. "You are making us look back by giving our guest nothing to eat! This is just a normal wood log, not a Yule log and it's not even Christmas! Now, get him the popcorn! This week!"

Goldfeather didn't move.

"Well, why aren't you moving?"

"You said I have all week to get him popcorn," replied Goldfeather.

"Oh!" Snarls sighed. She grabbed a bucket of pop corn and gave it to Hamton. "See you later, dude." And, with that, the Tough Girls left.

"Oh, boy!" cried Hamton, as he sniffed the popcorn. "This popcorn smells really delicious!"

He grabbed a hoof-ful of popcorn and was bringing it to his mouth, when –

WHACK!

Hamton saw that his hoof had no popcorn in it at all. It was on the ground. Then the bucket was yanked.

"Hey!" yelled Hamton, as he saw who took it. It was another pig! A female, tall, black pig with long straight black hair.

Hamton had seen some skinny pigs (the farm type pigs, not the guinea pig species) in his life, but this one was the skinniest pig he had ever met in his life.

She was wearing a dark blue cleaner's uniform.

"We can share," said Hamton. "There's no need to steal."

"And there's no need for us to be turned into pork chops, either," snapped the female pig in a British accent.

That stopped Hamton. "What do you mean?" he asked.

"This popcorn doesn't have salt or sugar on it," said the pig. "It has sleeping tablets."

Hamton gasped. "Sleeping tablets?"

"Doctor prescribed tablets," said the British pig. "We still want this story to be child friendly, don't we?"

"But I didn't see any tablets," retorted Hamton.

"That's because they've been crushed and sprinkled onto this stuff," explained the British pig. "Look, the point is, the Tough Girls gave you this sleeping popcorn is because they want you."

"Want me for what?" asked Hamton.

"Want you because you're so handsome," said Goldfeather's voice.

"Useful," said Odd-Blob's voice.

The pigs turned around to see the Tough Girls walking to them.

"Yeah, our employer thinks you're the right pig to help her," said Snarls.

"And she will pay you plenty of money," said Odd-blob.

"I thought the reward was d – " Goldfeather's beak was grabbed by Snarls's strong paw.

"Come with me," said the British pig, holding her hand.

"Don't listen to her," said Odd-Blob. "We'll take good care of you."  
Hamton was so confused. He didn't know who were the good girls and the bad ones.

"Quick!" yelled Snarls. "Grab him!" Growling with her sharp golden teeth, she led the Tough Girls to seize Hamton.

"J.A.N.Y.I.S.," said the British pig. "Cut off all the power."

"_Right away, ma'am_," said a female robotic voice.

The Tough Girls ran for Hamton, but soon darkness took over them. The only things that could be seen were the five set of eyes.  
"Quick!" yelled Snarls. "After him!"

The eyes started to move around the whole place.

"I gotcha!" cried Goldfeather's voice.

"Get your dusty feathers of my face before I eat you!" yelled Snarls's voice.

"Oh, sorry," said Goldfeather's voice.

"I have you now!" yelled Odd-Blob's voice.

"This is the thickest net I've even seen," said Goldfeather's voice.

"That's because, Goldfeather, it's not a net, it's a – "

Then the lights were back on. Odd-Blob saw that her bag was moving. She opened it and out shot Goldfeather.

"What are you doing in my bag?" demanded Odd-Blob.

"What is your bag doing to _me_?" Goldfeather demanded back.

"Guys, shut up!" snapped Snarls. She put her paw next to her ear.

The Tough Girls heard something in the air.

"Whoa!" cried a voice that sounded like Hamton.

"Shh!" cried a voice that sounded like the British pig's voice.

Odd-Blob followed the sound. "I believe it's coming from here." She was pointing to the trash chute.

"Well, don't just stand there," said Snarls. "Let's go and find them!"


	3. Escaping LA

The lids of every litter bin outside the back of the Dolby Theatre were flipping up and slamming down as the Tough Girls searched for the pigs.

"Tough Girls," called a guard. "You're on now."  
"We can't go on yet," said Snarls. "Goldfeather has lost her pearls."

"Okay, but don't take too long," said the guard. Then he shut the door behind him.

"Anything?" called Snarls.

"I found them!" cried Goldfeather.

Snarls ran to her. "You found them?"

"Yes," replied Goldfeather. "I found…" She reached into the bin. "My pearls!"

Snarls groaned as she glared at the plastic pink pearls that no one older than six-year-olds would wear.

"I think I found them," called Odd-Blob.

Snarls and Goldfeather ran to the bin that Odd-Blob was at.

"Well, where are they?" asked Snarls.

"Right there," said Odd-Blob, as she shone her touch on the trash.

An unimpressed Snarls slowly went in and picked up a pink pig and a black pig. "What are these?" asked Snarls.

"The pigs we're after," replied Odd-Blob.

"Get them to talk," said Snarls.

Odd-Blob tickled their tummies, but the pigs made no noise. "Hmm, that's funny," she said. "They're not talking."

"That's because they're not real pigs, genius!" snapped Snarls. "They're pig dolls!"

"Do you think our trick worked?" whispered a male voice.

"Shh!" whispered a female voice.

The Tough Girls looked around.

Snarls dropped the pig dolls down and grinned evilly with her golden teeth. "Good try, pigs," she yelled, "but I'm getting tired of the game and it's going to end right now!"

As soon as the Tough Girls split up again, a trash container lifted up. It was Hamton who was pushing it up, but the British pig closed the lid back down.

The pigs stood in silence and darkness. They could only see each other's eyes.

"I think we can get out now," whispered Hamton. "The coast looks clear."

"_Looks_ clear," the British pig whispered back. "But it could be – "

"Hey, who goes there?" demanded a different female voice.

"Yeah, who is it?" demanded a different male voice, followed by a growl.

Then the container was shaking like an earthquake as something was chasing the pigs. Then it fell over, spilling out the trash along with the pigs with a cat and a dog.

"Gosh!" cried Hamton. "It's Rita and Runt!"

"Yeah, and what were you and your friend doing in trash container, Hamton?" asked Rita.

"We're hiding from bad guys," replied Hamton.

"What bad guys?" Rita asked.

"Hey, Rita," called Runt. "There's a crowd coming to greet us."

Hamton and Rita turned around to see the Tough Girls running towards them. Snarls had a sword, Goldfeather held a flaming torch and Odd-Blob held a device.  
"What are you carrying that device for?" asked Snarls.

"It's a drone device," replied Odd-Blob.

"It'd better be useful," warned Snarls.

"Follow me, boys!" ordered Rita. And she ran, followed by Hamton and Runt.

Then Hamton didn't realize that the British Pig wasn't with them anymore. He looked around everywhere for her, but she was nowhere in sight.

"You coming or what?" called Rita.

"Coming," replied Hamton. At least he wasn't alone; he was with two characters, not from his show, but from a show related to his.

They came to an end of the fence. Rita squeezed through a hole under it. Hamton squeezed through, too. Runt dived through the hole, but he was stuck halfway.

"I'm stuck, Rita!" cried Runt. "Definitely, stuck!"

"Dogs, go fig," muttered Rita.

She and Hamton tried to pull Runt out, but he was too big.

"If you didn't eat so much," said Rita, "you could squeeze through a lot easier!"

"Eat?" said Hamton. "Eat!"

"Don't you start, too," snapped Rita.

"No, I have an idea," said the pig, as he ran off.

"Hey, come back!" called Rita. "What are you doing?"

But the pig vanished.

"Uh, Rita?" called Runt. "I think they're getting closer."

Rita sighed and carried on pulling and pulling him. Then –

"Oh, boy!" cried Runt, as he got out of the hole.

"Hmm," said Rita, as she lied on the floor. "Perhaps I don't know my own strength." Then she saw Runt running across the other side of the street where Hamton gave him a triple cheeseburger.

The boys ran back to her and Hamton helped her back on her feet.

"You left us to get a snack?" snapped Rita.

"Actually, it was my plan to help get Runt out of that tight hole," explained Hamton. "And I'm happy it worked."

"Right," said Rita. "Now that we're all free – "

"You can come with us now."  
Hamton, Rita and Runt turned around to face the Tough Girls arming their weapons at them. They reached for them, but then they were knocked down by a car – an Aston Martini X12.

The passenger side opened and the three toons were surprised to see who the driver was.

"Get in," ordered the British pig, who was in the driver's seat. She was not in her cleaner's outfit anymore. She was wearing a tuxedo. On her right ear, she had an earpiece.

Hamton, Rita and Runt got into the car and they drove off.

By the time the Tough Girls got onto their feet, a phone started to ring.

"Hello," said Odd-Blob, who answered it.

"_Have you got the pigs yet_?" screamed the female voice on the phone.

"No, ma'am," replied Odd-Blob. "And they're now with a stray cat and dog."

"_Enough of the boring excuses_!" screamed the voice. "_Just get those pigs and cat and dog to me now!_" Then the line went dead.

* * *

Sunrise hit the Los Angeles highway as the Aston Martini zoomed by. Everyone had been silent as the British pig was driving the car.

"How old are you?" asked Rita, who was in the back seat.

"Fifteen," replied the pig.

"And you're driving?"

"I took a course last year," replied the British pig. "And I passed very quickly and now licensed to drive."

"May I ask why are those Tough Girls after me?" asked Hamton. "What did I do to them?"

"Nothing," replied the British pig. "They're trying to capture you because their boss wants you."

"Why?" asked Hamton.

The pig took a deep breath. "Well – "

"_Pardon me, ma'am_," said the female robotic voice from the pig's earpiece.

"What is it, J.A.N.Y.I.S.?" asked the British pig.

"_We got a problem_," said J.A.N.Y.I.S.

"Uh, oh," cried Runt. "We got company. Definitely, got company."

The British pig looked in the mirror and saw that Runt was right. The Tough Girls are catching up to them in a yellow car.

"J.A.N.Y.I.S., take control of the car," ordered the British Pig.

"_Yes, ma'am_," replied J.A.N.Y.I.S.

Hamton's seat belt was fastened tightly.

In the back seat, one pair of mechanical hands put Rita in a pet carrier.

"Oh, great," she moaned.

Another pair of mechanical hands put Runt in a pet carrier too.

"Hey, this is lovely," he said. "Plenty of room."

"What's the news, Hamton?" asked Rita.

"The lady is getting out of the car and is now on the roof," reported Hamton.

"WHAT!"

* * *

Hamton was not wrong. The British Pig _was_ on the roof on the Martini.

"Come on, Tough Girls!" she called to them. "Do your very worst!"

The yellow car zoomed very fast towards them.

"Goldfeather, do your thing!" ordered Snarls, who was at the steering wheel.

"Eat dusty feathers, pig!" shouted Goldfeather as she aimed a gun at the British Pig. Out of the gun, she fired lots of feathers. The feathers didn't float; they were flying towards the Martini as if they were darts.

"There's no way those feathers can't stop the car now," said Goldfeather. "If they don't stop the car, they will spread dust onto them and – "

"They won't do either of those," said Odd-Blob. "Look!"

The Tough Girls saw the British Pig holding a leaf blower and was blowing the feathers away. And guess where those feathers landed?

"Atchoo!" The Tough Girls sneezed.

"Way to go, feather – Atchoo – Brain!" screamed Snarls.

"I did my – Atchoo – best!" protested Goldfeather.

"Odd-Blob, how are your drones – Atchoo – doing?" asked Snarls.

"They will be there in five – Atchoo!" Odd-blob sneezed.

"I hope it's minutes," said Snarls.

"Seconds, actually," said Odd-Blob.

A plane appeared above them and fired ten missiles towards the Martini.

"J.A.N.Y.I.S., let's give these back to their owners, shall we?" said the British Pig.

"_Very good, ma'am_," replied J.A.N.Y.I.S.

The Tough Girls looked hopeful as they saw the missiles heading towards the Martini. Then they turned around and were flying towards them.

"Ahh!" they screamed.

Snarls did her best to drive pass the exploding missiles.

"Well, that was easy," said Snarls. "Dodged all ten!"

BOOM!  
Soon they were in a destroyed car of dust and smoke.

"Did I forget to tell you that there was a secret eleventh one?" rasped Odd-Blob.

"Yep," rasped Snarls.

* * *

Back in the Martini, the British Pig went back into the driver's seat.

"J.A.N.Y.I.S., let's make our passengers comfortable," she said.

Hamton's belt was loosened and Rita and Runt were shaken out of their pet carriers.

"I've lost them now," said the British Pig. "It's going to be smooth – "

BUMP!

The British Pig looked in the rear view mirror to see the Tough Girls in a blue car _still_ after them.

"Smooth bumping?" said Rita.

"_Ma'am_," said J.A.N.Y.I.S. "_We are approaching Santa Monica_."

This gave the British Pig an idea. "J.A.N.Y.I.S., set the destination for Santa Monica Pier."

"_Right away, Ma'am._"

* * *

The Tough Girls saw the Martini driving off to Santa Monica.

"Hold on, girls," said Snarls, who was in the driver's seat of their new car. "We're going to crash them."

Then she put her foot down and zoomed after them.

* * *

The Martini was driving through the city of downtown Santa Monica.

"Uh, oh," cried Runt. "They're still here. Yep, definitely here." And he was right. The Tough Girls were still behind them.

"I hope you got a plan," Hamton said to the British Pig.

"I always have," she said.

The Martini turned right and was driving on the Santa Monica Pier.

"What are you doing?" asked Rita. "You're heading out for sea."  
"Yeah, that's the plan," said the British pig.

"But if we go in, we'll drown!" cried Hamton.

"Then hold your breath." Then the British pig slammed her foot down.

Hamton and Rita screamed and Runt cheered as the car jumped off the pier and dived into the sea. Then the pig flicked a switch. Outside, the car's wheels were covered up. Out of the car came submarine arms.

* * *

Back on the pier, the blue car stopped from the pier. The Tough Girls got out and looked at the sea.

"Okay," said Goldfeather. "We just need to dive in and get them out of the sunken car."

"Wait a minute, Goldfeather," said Odd-Blob, as she got out a device. "The 'sunken car' is now a submarine and is moving away."

"Drat!" shouted Snarls, as she slammed the door on the car. Then the phone rang and she answered it. "What is it, boss?"

"_What have you done?_" screamed the voice on the phone. "_Can't you handle one simple task?_"

"Look, ma'am," snapped Snarls. "We're feeling bad already. We don't need any more bad criticism to make us feel worse. And how do you even know what we've done?"

"_I know more about everything than you ever will and_ _I'll criticise you all I want!_" screamed the telephone voice. "However, all is not lost."

"Finally, good news," muttered Snarls.

"LET ME FINISH!" boomed the telephone voice. "I'm sending you each to a different location to lead new volunteers for our mission. We will find those pigs and there will be no more failures. Do you hear me?"

BEEP! The line was cut off.

"Here are our destinations," said Odd-Blob, as she looked at her device. "And here are our new volunteers we're gonna lead in battle."  
Snarls and Goldfeather looked at her device and went 'ooh'.

* * *

Back in the sea, the Martini submarine was calm and cool as the sea, as it carried on with its journey.

"Wow!" exclaimed Hamton. "This is great."  
"_Submarine system is running smoothly, ma'am_," reported J.A.N.Y.I.S.

"Thank you, J.A.N.Y.I.S.," smiled the British pig.

"J.A.N.Y.I.S.?" said Rita.

"It's short for Just A Nervous Yet Intelligent System," explained the British Pig. "A parody of Iron Man's J.A.R.V.I.S. for this story."

"Where are we going?" asked Rita.

"You'll see when we get there," smiled the pig.

"Oh, that sounds like fun," said Runt. "Yeah, definitely fun."

"It sure does, Runt," Rita sighed. "It sure does."

"And it's a long way," went on the pig. "So feel free to get some sleep."

"Who are you?" asked Hamton. "What's your name?"

The British pig slowly turned her head and took off her sunglasses. "The name is Rond," she said. "Jane Rond. PW7."

* * *

On the sea bed was a big hole and out appeared Bugs Bunny, Lola Bunny and Daffy Duck wearing diving helmets.

"And so Hamton, Rita and Runt have escaped the evil Tough Girls," said Bugs, "and now they're on their way with Jane Rond to – who knows where."

"Who knows?" cried Daffy. "You mean, there's not much story left."

"What he means, Daffy," said Lola, "is that he knows where they're going but he's not going to spoil it for the readers."  
"Even I don't understand what that means," muttered Daffy.

"Which is why you shouldn't have this job of narrating," said Lola.

"Folks," Bugs said to the reader. "We have some explainin' to do to a narrator, so why don't you just chill for a while and read the opening credits."

* * *

Warner Bros. Presents:

**Hamton J. Pig** (from _Tiny Toon Adventures_)

**Rita** and **Runt** (from _Animaniacs_)

And **Freema Agyeman** (_Doctor Who, Law and Order: UK _and _The Carries Diaries_) as **Jane Rond, PW7 **(Based on James Bond, 007) in:

'**ROUGE TOONS'**

Starring:

Tiny Toons

_Acme Loonversity_

**Buster Bunny**

**Babs Bunny**

**Plucky Duck**

**Shirley the Loon**

**Fifi la Fume**

**Furball**

**Elmyra Duff**

**Montana Max**

**Gogo Dodo**

**Calamity Coyote**

**Li'l Beeper**

**Dizzy Devil**

**Li'l Sneezer**

**Sweetie Bird**

**Fowlmouth **

**Concord Condor **

**Mary Melody**

**Arnold the Pitbull**

**The Flea Family**

_Perfecto Prep_

**Roderick Rat**

**Rhubella Rat**

**Danforth Drake**

**Margot Mallard**

**Other Perfecto Students**

Animaniacs

**Yakko Warner**

**Wakko Warner**

**Dot Warner**

**Dr. Scratchansniff**

**Hello Nurse**

**Thaddus Plotz**

**Ralph T. Guard**

**Pinky**

**The Brain**

**Slappy Squirrel**

**Skippy Squirrel**

**Buttons **

**Mindy**

**Katie Ka-Boom**

The Goodfeathers:

**Squit**

**Bobby **

**Pesto**

**Flavio and Martia**

**Minerva Mink**

**Chicken Boo**

Looney Tunes

**Bugs Bunny**

**Daffy Duck**

**Lola Bunny**

With:

_Tough Girls_

**Ashley Greene** (_Twilight _series, _Butter _and _LOL_) as **Snarls** the wolf (a parody of Jaws)

**Taylor Swift** (_Valentine's Day, The Lorax _and _The Giver_) as **Odd-Blob** the komodo dragon (a parody of Oddjob)

**Demi Lovato** (_Camp Rock, Sonny with a Chance _and _Glee_) as **Goldfeather** the peacock (a parody of Goldfinger)

And:

**Jennifer Lawrence** (_X-Men _series_, Hunger Games _series, _Silver Linings Playbook _and _American Hustle_) as **Joanna Bayboy** the teen idol

Credits

Written by **Bobby South**

_Tiny Toon Adventures_ and _Animanicas _created and produced by **Steven Spielberg**, **Tom Ruegger** and **Jean MacCurdy**


End file.
